It was my birthday, I think it was my 43rd, possibly, I had moved back to down to my old house in Yorkshire, the house I hated, as I couldn’t rent anywhere and didn’t have a tenant, and double council tax on am empty property mounts up.
I had cleared it all out and started again with it. New wallpaper, newly decorated. My pristine white bathroom with it’s fancy double bath, rain shower and high ceilings. My beautiful Kelly Hoppen wallpaper, carefully hung with a fabulous sputnik light fitting.
I had dressed up, in a fabulous skater girl dress, with a net underskirt, boots and a top hat, I felt on top of the world. I walked around the corner to my local pub, I was single at the time and didn’t want to stay in, Tony and I had a great relationship, he was there for me when I was on my own, and I did a few shifts in the pub on a weekend to pass the time. He was a bit like my Yorkshire Dad, heart of gold and a little bit of cheek thrown in and good for a cuddle when you were upset.
He opened a bottle of champagne for me and I had had two glasses, and was having a good night, then a guy I knew that came into the pub offered to buy me a vodka red-bull for my birthday, which I accepted, and he went to the bar to get me it. Like an idiot I drank it when he came back. He suggested walking me back home, it wasn’t even 9pm, I said OK, and Tony protested saying he would walk me back later. I haven’t a clue what happened after that.
I woke up in my lovely white bathroom, covered in blood, in my white dressing gown, with a huge lump on the side of my head. Blood on the white tiles and floor, on the side of the bath and on the towels. My spare bedroom was is a mess, with blood all over the sheets. I threw up, the room was spinning, I ached all over, with bruising around my thighs and a black eye. I had absolutely no recollection of anything after the vodka red bull.
I stumbled down stairs and started checking every room to make sure he wasn’t there. The kettle was hot, and there was an empty cup on the side. The arrogant bastard had made himself a cup of tea before he had left!!
I went back to bed, I couldn’t face the embarrassment of it all. A few days later I went to see Tony, he couldn’t believe I had left the pub with the guy, we both knew what had happened as soon as I said I didn’t remember walking home, Tony said I had only had two glasses of champagne, I said that R had bought me a vodka and red bull, the penny dropped.
Rohypnol – We both knew. Tony just cuddled me, I was sobbing and sobbing, he walked me home and stayed with for a little bit. I started to retreat inside myself, and only went out to see Tony, knowing when it was quiet and no one would be in. I went to work, but remained quiet. I didn’t want to go to the police, I felt it was my fault, my fault for the dress I had on, my fault for accepting the drink, my fault for letting him walk me home. My fault….
Then the STD clinic was my next stop, thankfully I had caught nothing, then the wait to see if I was pregnant, again, thankfully not.
Rape, kills your confidence, makes you sceptical of every one when you do try to venture out again. I don’t know how long it was afterwards that it was before I felt safe with a man. I saw him in Tesco’s, he introduced me to his girlfriend, he knocked on my door at 4am one morning asking to be let in, banging and banging. From then on I alarmed the downstairs sensors, it was the only way I could sleep, when I could sleep.
I needed to move out, this house was bad news.